Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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