No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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