I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is Oprah even human
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
