They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
