Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize