Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
