I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
