I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
