If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
