I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
