Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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