chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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