What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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