3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
