I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
