AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
