Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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