K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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