hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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