You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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