my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
