I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
