I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
