Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
