she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
