So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there's paper in my vomit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize