I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
