If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
