He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
