You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
