am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
