I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
