I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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