Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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