I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
