I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
