if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize