i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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