Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
