My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have post one night stand depression
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
