Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
