You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
