and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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