actually, I'm a sock model
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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