I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
