My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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