I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
