Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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