sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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