could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
