I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
