Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
