i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
