he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
