Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
