can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
