I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
