ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we should paint friendship bongs
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