Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
