Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
