my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
