i jhust puked up my retainher.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
