Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
