so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize