Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
