A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
