Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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