Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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