Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
