idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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