i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
