There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
