One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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