Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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