did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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