we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
