If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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