Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
