I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
