There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
