I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it hurts more in the daytime
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize