She's JV to your varsity
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
