I cannot find my penis.
even my farts smell like vagina
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
