Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
