he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
