This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
