New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
