yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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