I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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