thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just gargled with NyQuil
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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