Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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