were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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