You're completely useless in the revolution.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
