When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
