I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
