I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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