So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You ruined the universe
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
