I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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