So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
