sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
