we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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