My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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