her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
