i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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