You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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